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Writer's pictureCait's Thoughts

The Dreaded Demon

The dreaded demon. The scale. Your relationship with gravity.

The scale. The most dreaded tool ever made by mankind. If you are like me, you dread stepping on the scale but yet, you do it anyway. The scale has always been a monster to me. This stupid thing that tells you your relationship with gravity can have more impact on your life than you even know.


Most of my adult life, after high school, I have owned a scale or had access to one regularly. I would weigh myself every morning and pretty much anytime that I saw one. While being a collegiate athlete my weight stayed relatively normal because we had very intense workouts. Thus, I was working off all those ramen noodles and packaged foods I ate.


After college, I started to notice weight gain, a couple pounds here and there. Then two years into my career I had gained 20 pounds. I hated stepping on the scale but it became an addiction. I would weigh in the morning, after I used the bathroom, when I came home from work, before bed, etc. Any chance I got I was stepping on that STUPID thing! I hated myself for it. I had tried working out but I was working two jobs, teaching and bartending. This left very little time (or so I thought) for the gym or for a good diet planning. The scale became my worst enemy. I would cry over how much I weighed or what my belly looked like because of the number I saw on the scale.


The scale put me in a very bad place because I didn’t know how to fix it. It was addicting. What a terrible addiction to have but I know I am not the only one who has gone through it. When I moved in with my husband, we had a scale however, he didn’t let me step on it. He made me go by how I felt. I started putting better food into my body and working out consistently. He eventually let me step on once he felt that I was ready and he could tell that I felt more confident. I had lost weight! Not a lot because I was also gaining muscle but I saw the number go down and that was thrilling. He didn’t let me weigh that often because of the tears and sobbing it brought on.


Nowadays, I own a scale and I do weigh myself for competition purposes only! The days of crying on the scale have become few and far between. Do I still breakdown? Yes, it is natural but I try to think about why my weight may have shifted so I can fix it.


My advice to you. If you are a prisoner of the scale like I was, get rid of it or hide it. Start going on how you feel physically. Do you have more energy? Do you feel happier? Do you like how you look in the mirror? Are you able to get through a workout easier than before? Your relationship with gravity has no baring on these questions.


Remember that you are not alone in your journey and that there are others going through the same fears, troubles or demons. Lean on each other. Pick each other up. Reach out to someone and ask for help or just to talk. I share my story to hopefully help someone through their troubles.

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